Wank in a classroom - Mission Impossible. Is it worth waiting for?The legend returns - Skyward Sword reviewed
Johhny blog unleashed - New series is live
RoundUP: MI:Ghost Protocol - Zelda - New series
Wank in a classroom - Mission Impossible. Is it worth waiting for?The legend returns - Skyward Sword reviewed
Johhny blog unleashed - New series is live
Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol - PREVIEW
MI:GHOST PROTOCOL
Brad bird is directing, and you may ask “who the hell is he?” the asnwers is, the man behind Ratatouille, the incredibles and the iron giant. This being his first live action film, it is understandable that you would be hold reservations, however! A man who has been able to direct hit films which average ratings around an 8 on imdb, he is more than deserving of his chance.
Tom cruise returns, however the man to look out for is Jeremy Renner. You’ll be seeing Big J.R in everything next year, most notably the avengers and the new Bourne film. Hopefully his input helps to make MI:4 a hit
The only other reason to go see MI:4 is to watch shit blow up and see a 50yr old and a ginger in the same shot in an action film
THE LEGEND OF ZELDA: SKYWARD SWORD - REVIEW
THE LEGEND OF ZELDA: SKYWARD SWORD
Billed as the Nintendo wii’s last hurrah, does it do justice to the Zelda franchise on its 25th anniversary?
Before the game starts you’ll be greeted with a 3 minute video on how to plug a nun chuck into the back of a wii remote. Thankfully you only have to watch this video once but the mere fact that you HAVE to watch the video at all and cannot skip it is infuriating in itself.
Following from this you will then be into the game proper and be shown another video. This time from an artistic direction and used to set the world which you are about to inhabit. The video is a nice watch and introduces the game well. It could have done with the narration of a john hurt type actor for added umph, but so long as you are able to read, you’ll not be too disappointed.Videos over and you finally get to start playing the game, and straight away you’ll notice a much deeper relationship between Zelda and link than is normal for the franchise. Again, no problems here. You meet your “nemesis” Groose who is an enjoyable enough character and from here the shit starts hitting the fan.
As a playstation owner, it’s difficult to discuss the graphics in skyward sword. From the perspective of it being a Wii game, the graphics are almost impressive however they are a world apart from the better games that you may see on a PS3 or Xbox. The graphics don’t present a major problem and are more than a sufficient realisation of a fantasy world.
The gameplay is where skyward sword comes king. The motion controls work well for the majority of the time and rarely become a problem. The sword fighting is very enjoyable and it is very easy to manoeuvre link around the world. The game often tests your puzzling abilities and these are a nice change of pace from the often frantic fights.
The story is littered with intriguing characters and the game is extremely well written. There is no voice acting at all but you do get the odd strange mumble from characters as well as links huffing and puffing. The story itself moves along at a fair pace but may seem slow to some. For those willing to persist they will be rewarded with a continuously investing plot and top notch dialogue
The game suffers from an element of needless task giving. Far too often you will find yourself looking for a number of items before you can move on. If you can look past this then the game has no real negatives, however it happens on such numerous occasions that it will start to feel tiring half way through the game.The game provides great value for money and does more than enough to be a classic for the wii generation. If you have a Wii, this is a must have. If you don’t, wait till the Wii goes cheap and you won’t be disappointed
9.5/10
LFAPLW: Ashley Stone Interview and Release date
The Big news: the first episode of LFAPCW will be released on Wednesday at 6pm
Ashley Stone has given an exclusive interview about her role in new series LFAPLW
Ashley thanks for talking to us. How do you feel the series is progressing?
The first episode of Learnings from a place called Winchester is in the can and the script for the following episode has been finalised. The series is looking good so far and hopefully the viewers will agree
How big a role do you have in the first few episodes?
My character is introduced slowly but by mid series I’ll be playing a big role in the show.
How have you found working with Johnny Blog?
He’s an absolute idiot. But I love him for it
How big do you see the show getting?
Probably not that big but as long as 1 person likes it, we’ll consider ourselves happy.
Thanks again Ashley for your time and we wish you every success with the new series
Ashley Stone has given an exclusive interview about her role in new series LFAPLW
Ashley thanks for talking to us. How do you feel the series is progressing?The first episode of Learnings from a place called Winchester is in the can and the script for the following episode has been finalised. The series is looking good so far and hopefully the viewers will agree
How big a role do you have in the first few episodes?
My character is introduced slowly but by mid series I’ll be playing a big role in the show.
How have you found working with Johnny Blog?
He’s an absolute idiot. But I love him for it
How big do you see the show getting?
Probably not that big but as long as 1 person likes it, we’ll consider ourselves happy.
Thanks again Ashley for your time and we wish you every success with the new series
What makes the films we love?
A great villain
What’s the point in having a goodie if the baddie aint bad. The villain has to portray what it really means to be evil and be every bit as capable as the hero of the piece of winning
A hero you can support
When you need a hero, you don’t just get the guy in, you get the big dawg. The best heroes are often very like-able and always get your support. This adds to the emotion of a films set piece moments.
A clear, original story
The guy who did the thing that opened the door the place that has the other thing that he needs to talk to about a thing…. You follow? The story should try to stay as clear as possible, or else an interesting plot twist becomes just more fodder for confusion. the story should resonate with yourself.
A quotable script
When you leave a great film, you should be able to quote at least one line from it. These lines hit a tone perfectly and send a shiver down your spine whether you’re hearing for your first or thirteenth time
Great soundtrack
It doesn’t necessarily have to be hum able but it should certainly hit be hitting a sweet spot on your oral buds. A soundtrack should be the icing on the cake that perfectly complements the emotion you should be feeling.
What’s the point in having a goodie if the baddie aint bad. The villain has to portray what it really means to be evil and be every bit as capable as the hero of the piece of winning
scripts at their best?
A hero you can support
When you need a hero, you don’t just get the guy in, you get the big dawg. The best heroes are often very like-able and always get your support. This adds to the emotion of a films set piece moments.
A clear, original story
The guy who did the thing that opened the door the place that has the other thing that he needs to talk to about a thing…. You follow? The story should try to stay as clear as possible, or else an interesting plot twist becomes just more fodder for confusion. the story should resonate with yourself.
a film with an original story, great script, brilliant climactic action sequence ... and aliens
A quotable script
When you leave a great film, you should be able to quote at least one line from it. These lines hit a tone perfectly and send a shiver down your spine whether you’re hearing for your first or thirteenth time
a great score, great action and a creepy baddie
Great soundtrack
It doesn’t necessarily have to be hum able but it should certainly hit be hitting a sweet spot on your oral buds. A soundtrack should be the icing on the cake that perfectly complements the emotion you should be feeling.
ON SET WITH JOHHNY BLOG
Taking 5 minutes out of his busy schedule, Johnny blog was able to talk to us about his role in the project.
Johnny, you’re playing the main character in the series, do find that adds extra pressure to you to deliver a performance?
Well Clive, I think all the cast are feeling the pressure to perform on this one, but I’m certainly not going to let it get the better of me
And how do you think production is going so far?
Everything seems to be on track. The script is solid and the director really has a vision for what he’s after
How do you think the show will fare on its release?
It’s hard to say Clive. It really depends on wether the audience takes to the characters or not. But after reading the script, the story is interesting and there’s a surprising amount of humour in there.
It’s interesting you mention the humour; do you feel this is a comedy piece?
I suppose. But there’s also a sense of drama in there as well and the mix seems to work well on paper
How have you found working with your co-stars?They’re all great. I love them to bits. Especially Ashley stone
Ashley stone plays the love interest right?
Yeah, she’s really pivotal to the whole story and she plays her part so well. Off screen she’s an incredible professional. But I think everybody has been professional actually
Well Johnny, we thank you for time and wish you luck on the success of your new show
New Series Anouncement
a new comedy series from the visionary director of THE ESTATE and writer of Toilet Fun diddly 'um. Debuting Mr.Blog in the starring role. The story follows Johnny Blog as he attends university. although there is no confirmed release date for the first episode, it is expected to be aired in early December.
LEARNINGS FROM A PLACE CALLED WINCHESTER: TEASER
LEARNINGS FROM A PLACE CALLED WINCHESTER: TEASER
RoundUP
VIDEO GAMES BATTLEFIELD VS MW3... PLACE YOU'RE BETS
TV DERREN BROWNS EXPERIMENTS ARE A MUST WATCH
MUSIC EXAMPLES NEW ALBUM IS LICKABLY DELICIOUS
FOOTBALL ROONEY IS THE ONLY BRIT CONTENDOR FOR THE BALLON D'OR
FILMS THE ESTATE WAS A BIG HIT AMONGST A CRITIC
TV DERREN BROWNS EXPERIMENTS ARE A MUST WATCH
MUSIC EXAMPLES NEW ALBUM IS LICKABLY DELICIOUS
FOOTBALL ROONEY IS THE ONLY BRIT CONTENDOR FOR THE BALLON D'OR
FILMS THE ESTATE WAS A BIG HIT AMONGST A CRITIC
Kipling's IF...
If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too:
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or, being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise;
If you can dream - and not make dreams your master;
If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim,
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same:.
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build'em up with worn-out tools;
If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings,
And never breathe a word about your loss:
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: 'Hold on!'
If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with Kings - nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much:
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And which is more; you'll be a Man, my son!
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too:
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or, being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise;
If you can dream - and not make dreams your master;
If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim,
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same:.
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build'em up with worn-out tools;
If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings,
And never breathe a word about your loss:
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: 'Hold on!'
If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with Kings - nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much:
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And which is more; you'll be a Man, my son!
The Estate
Its Here. The film Event of a generation. A young man by the name of Dez Ked lives in The Estate. He's a good boy in the wrong company. things as ever dont work out and dez ked must beware of the Psycho
PART 2
PART 1
PART 2
Ole Solskjaer Interview: I was always playing Championship Manager, dreaming of being a manager
After just reading an article in which Solskjaer was interviewed about his current career in management, I found myself falling in love with him even more. Anybody who plays championship manager is a friend of dodd.blogs and Solskjaer tops the bill.
RoundUP
NEWS dodd.blog is back, we apoligise
FOOTBALL Wayne Rooney is a dick, we apoligise
VIDEO GAMES Rage is a bloody good game
MUSIC Hard Fi - Killer sounds gets a big thumbs up
FILM Tinker Tailer was a dissapointment
TV have I got news for you is back tomorrow
The Avengers Trailer is Finally Here
A film that is guaranteed to make billions. an all star cast, a massive budget and a nerds wet dream. it can only be...
if this doesn't get you excited, nothing will!
Mr.Blogs complaint of the week
Why are "naughty" films so long!?
We just dont know Mr.Blog. But we think we know why Mrs.Blog left.
The new face of dodd.blog
This is Mr.Blog
Mr.Blog is a friendly man with lots of opinions. He likes to sit in parks and feed ducks.
Mr.Blog is keeping his work very secret at the moment but after a few dates with mrs.waterboarding i'm sure he'll be much more talkative
E3 - the new Nintendo console: Wii U
The controller looks wild. That was my first thought. With a touh-screen inside the controller as well as a camera and a full set of buttons to mash it looks to be very innovative, and maybe even revolutionary.
The console will be released next year and will have a 3-4 year head start on the next gen offerings from Microsoft and Playstation.
The other surprise was the software line up with a big shot EA exec coming on stage during the Nintendo press conference and announcing that they will be taking the Wii U seriously and potentially be putting games on the Wii U along with PS3 and Xbox360.
also, a quick shout out to Gametrailers.com for there exceptional coverage of E3
___________________________________________
The full spec list from Nintendo is as follows:
Launches: 2012
Size: Approximately 1.8 inches tall, 6.8 inches wide and 10.5 inches long.
New Controller: The new controller incorporates a 6.2-inch, 16:9 touch screen and traditional button controls, including two analog Circle Pads. This combination removes the traditional barriers between games, players and the TV by creating a second window into the video game world. The rechargeable controller includes a Power button, Home button, Control Pad, A/B/X/Y buttons, L/R buttons and ZL/ZR buttons. It includes a built-in accelerometer and gyroscope, rumble feature, camera, a microphone, stereo speakers, a sensor strip and a stylus.
Other Controls: Up to four Wii Remote™ (or Wii Remote Plus) controllers can be connected at once. The new console supports all Wii™ controllers and input devices, including the Nunchuk™ controller, Classic Controller™, Classic Controller Pro™ and Wii Balance Board™.
Media: A single self-loading media bay will play 12-centimeter proprietary high-density optical discs for the new console, as well as 12-centimeter Wii optical discs.
Video Output: Supports 1080p, 1080i, 720p, 480p and 480i. Compatible cables include HDMI, component, S-video and composite.
Audio Output: Uses AV Multi Out connector. Six-channel PCM linear output through HDMI.
Storage: The console will have internal flash memory, as well as the option to expand its memory using either an SD memory card or an external USB hard disk drive.
CPU: IBM Power®-based multi-core microprocessor.
Other: Four USB 2.0 connector slots are included. The new console is backward compatible with Wii games and Wii accessories.
__________________________________________________
the above information was Sourced from here
Call of Duty MW3 to be banned?
Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 3's Reveal Trailer, which shows scenes of terrorism on the London Underground, is reported to have led to calls for the game to be banned, reports the Daily Mail.
The Daily Mail is comparing the London Underground scenes to the 7/7 terrorist attacks in London, with those affected unhappy about the likeness found in Activision's guaranteed smash hit.
Vivienne Pattison of Mediawatch UK has "concerns" because "these games are hyper-real," adding MW3 "is in incredibly poor taste".
This isn't the first time Call of Duty has skirted with controversy. Modern Warfare 2 was heavily criticised by some for its No Russian level, which allowed players to shoot civilians at an airport while taking on the role of a terrorist.
Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 3 will be released worldwide on November 8.
____________________________________________________________________________
after reading the above and watching the trailer, I think that to ban the game would be an outrageous over reaction and an example of censorship gone mad. the above mentioned train scene is the result of what appears to be more of an invasion than terrorism and it didn't appear to be anything like the London bombings. obviously its difficult to suggest how much resemblance there will actually be when the game is released, but I highly doubt that it will show terrorism to be glorified.on the note of MW2, that sequence was about showing how without morales you would need to be in order to be a terrorist. I didn't shoot any civilians when I played through the scene and I could understand why people would be upset to see such shocking images, but these games try to show you the world in all its shocking entirety.
the game shouldn't and won't be banned, this is a non-story and we should accept that events from the real world will inevitably be mirrored in all sorts of media. it is when we watch and we feel nothing that we should worry.
Game Review: L.A Noire
L.A. NOIRE
Synopsis:
Amid the post-war boom of Hollywood's Golden Age, Cole Phelps, an LAPD detective is thrown headfirst into a city drowning in its own success. Corruption is rampant, the drug trade is exploding, and murder rates are at an all-time high.
In his fight to climb the ranks and do what's right, Phelps must unravel the truth behind a string of arson attacks, racketeering conspiracies and brutal murders, battling the L.A. underworld and even members of his own department to uncover a secret that could shake the city to its rotten core.
Using groundbreaking new animation technology that captures every nuance of an actor's facial performance in astonishing detail, L.A. Noire is a violent crime thriller that blends breathtaking action with true detective work to deliver an unprecedented interactive experience. Search for clues, chase down suspects and interrogate witnesses as you struggle to find the truth in a city where everyone has something to hide.
My Review:
I suppose its best to comment on the facial technology first. It works, and it works well. You can genuinely tell wether somebody is lying from there facial expressions. Given that the crux of the game is in the interrogating witnesses and suspects, the facial tech is all the more important.
Graphically the game looks beautiful the soundtrack complements the game well. All of the characters have a personality which only adds to the atmosphere. The cars control well enough and shooting is fairly easy although the use of the right trigger for both sprinting and shooting isn’t helpful.
The game is very much story driven and you will no doubt be sucked into uncovering the truths and secrets being withheld from yourself.
In summary:
Plays well and is different from most other games. Not as all action as GTA but if you like solving crimes and catching baddies, there’s no better game out there
dodd.blog rating: 10/10
The Apprentice: who to bet on
So lord sugar, who’s it going to be? You must have an idea by now, surely. You won’t tell us? Well that’s fine because I have an idea who the top candidates are
Jim Eastwood
Started work in his father's fish and chip shop
Age: 32
Career: Sales and Marketing Manager
Lives: Northern Ireland
Jim looks to be most peoples favourite at the moment and understandably so. He talked his way out of the bottom 3 and negotiated well on previous tasks. Hasn’t project managed yet but seems to have a good idea whats he’s doing. As of yet, not appeared in the boardroom final 3.
Tom Pellereau
Cites Thomas Edison as an icon
Age: 31
Career: Inventor
Lives: London
A somewhat quirky charchter but a logical thinker. Gets stuck in and brings enthusiasm to his teams. Hasn’t been in the boardroom bottom 3 although has yet to be on a winning team.
Ellie Reed
Once chased a burglar out of her house at 17
Age: 33
Career: Managing Director
Lives: Yorkshire
Dark horse of the competiton. She gets on well with her team mates and isn’t afraid to kick off. We haven’t seen a large amount of business noice yet but maybe as the firings get going she will take advantage of the opportunity and show much more leadership. Has been in the boardroom bottom 3 once.
Jim Eastwood
Started work in his father's fish and chip shopAge: 32
Career: Sales and Marketing Manager
Lives: Northern Ireland
Jim looks to be most peoples favourite at the moment and understandably so. He talked his way out of the bottom 3 and negotiated well on previous tasks. Hasn’t project managed yet but seems to have a good idea whats he’s doing. As of yet, not appeared in the boardroom final 3.
Tom Pellereau
Cites Thomas Edison as an icon Age: 31
Career: Inventor
Lives: London
A somewhat quirky charchter but a logical thinker. Gets stuck in and brings enthusiasm to his teams. Hasn’t been in the boardroom bottom 3 although has yet to be on a winning team.
Ellie Reed
Once chased a burglar out of her house at 17Age: 33
Career: Managing Director
Lives: Yorkshire
Dark horse of the competiton. She gets on well with her team mates and isn’t afraid to kick off. We haven’t seen a large amount of business noice yet but maybe as the firings get going she will take advantage of the opportunity and show much more leadership. Has been in the boardroom bottom 3 once.
Game Review: DiRT 3
DiRT 3
Synopsis:
Dirt 3 adds a host of impressive new or revised features, including YouTube integration that allows you to upload race footage and split-screen support. There are more locations and events than in any other game in the series, and over 50 rally cars representing the very best from 50 years of the sport. They look great and handle more realistically than ever too, even if they quickly become mud covered wrecks shedding pieces all over the course.
My review:
The cars handle well, look good and go fast, so that’s a tick straight off. Crashes result in detailed damage which although not being perfect is probably the best so far this generation. There are plenty of game modes and multiplayer split screen is a nice addition. The difficulty is well balanced so that victories are earned not given. There’s a varied assembly of cars to choose from which unlock at a fair enough rate. Better than DiRT 2? Yes, thanks to new the new gymkhana and split screen modes as well improved graphics and more varied tracks. The only criticism is that Sony hasn’t got playstation store up yet.
In summary, A brilliant racing game with lots to do. If you liked DiRT 2, you’ll LOVE DiRT 3.
dodd.blog rating: 10/10
Ken Block Going Crazy in his Subaru
Film Review: Pirates of the Caribbean - On Stranger Tides
Pirates of the Caribbean: on stranger tides
Synopsis:
Jack Sparrow and Barbossa embark on a quest to find the elusive fountain of youth, only to discover that Blackbeard and his daughter are after it too.
My review:
I went into the cinema with high hopes but little expectation. The film started of well and was fast paced but didn’t do much to entice you into the story. This was the general mood for the rest of the film. Most of the usual suspects return and Johnny depp portrays his usual jack sparrow, whilst Penelope Cruz is a nice addition to the cast although you don’t really delve into her character much. Blackbeard feels like a missed trick in the film. Throughout the film there are quotes of the man being “pure evil” but never does he really take on the role of Mr.bad ass in the way which was much needed in the film. The soundtrack is as good as ever thanks to Hans Zimmer and the general cinematography is of a high quality.
To summarise, the characters needed to be fleshed out more, the action was good but not excellent as was the script. If you like the last you’ll probably like this one too.
dodd.blog rating: 7/10
Interesting Thoughts
some words for you to think about reflect upon
It is only when you come to the end that you miss the beginning
The depths of your ignorance are shallow at the best of times
How do you measure an unknown quantity?
Every penny saved is a penny earned
The softest whisper often makes the loudest noise
Irony rears its ugly head when it is least invited
Exam Tips
I have finished my exams and eagerly await the surprises that summer may bring. I know it’s late in the day to be giving advice, but I feel I have coped well with my exams and whilst I’m overcome with a sense of relief and adulation, I will share what wisdom I have.
The first thing I would suggest is making sure that you get good nights sleep pre-exam. Sounds obvious but if you spend all night revising for a morning exam then you’re not doing yourself any favours really.
I would suggest having some notes that you can read over on your way to the exam but these shouldn’t be very long and should try to incorporate the your main difficulties, such as remembering equations
You’ve also got to start revising weeks in advance ideally. It means that there isn’t a mad rush for knowledge closer to the occasion.
My biggest advice would be to stay calm, cool and collected. There’s nothing wrong with being worried but when the papers in front of you, you have to be thinking about the exam questions and nothing else.
I’m sure you didn’t need my advice to help you pass your exams but being the good citizen I am, I hope it helps.
The first thing I would suggest is making sure that you get good nights sleep pre-exam. Sounds obvious but if you spend all night revising for a morning exam then you’re not doing yourself any favours really.I would suggest having some notes that you can read over on your way to the exam but these shouldn’t be very long and should try to incorporate the your main difficulties, such as remembering equations
You’ve also got to start revising weeks in advance ideally. It means that there isn’t a mad rush for knowledge closer to the occasion.
My biggest advice would be to stay calm, cool and collected. There’s nothing wrong with being worried but when the papers in front of you, you have to be thinking about the exam questions and nothing else.I’m sure you didn’t need my advice to help you pass your exams but being the good citizen I am, I hope it helps.
Making Waves: Fatty slaps chest
please note, that is not my stomach. I had the unfortunate task of capturing the scene.
An Old Sketch I had Written
TOILET FUN DIDDLY UM
Nathan and Daniel are on a double date. Nathan has Daniel up with a blind date. Daniel is not happy with his date. they both enter the toilets.
Nathan
so what do you think of her
Daniel
I'm not talking to you
Nathan
that bad... Daniel?...Daniel?
Daniel scowls at Nathan
NATHAN
to be fair, I've only seen her on facebook, she looked alright on it.
DANIEL
clearly you and I have different opinions of what alright is
NATHAN
well, just try and get through the night
DANIEL
have you got a bag
NATHAN
why?
DANIEL
so i can stick it over her square head. she's that ugly she makes me want to physically abuse myself. and this restaurant, what a pile of sh
NATHAN
I've told you to cut down on the swearing
Daniel
well, what am i supposed to say
NATHAN
i dunno, say diddums
DANIEL
well this place is a massive pile of diddums. the food tastes like diddums and the service is diddums. and have you seen the prices, it takes the diddling diddums
NATHAN
now you just sound stupid
DANIEL
its your diddums fault
NATHAN
well i think this place is nice
DANIEL
whatever, I'm having a diddums
NATHAN
no, you can't do that in a public place. not to mention the way you've been going you'll be blind before Christmas
Daniel
I'm having a poo you diddum head
NATHAN
will you calm down
DANIEL
(sarcastic) can we swap dates
NATHAN
I'm not being stuck with chewbacca
Daniel goes in the cubicle. Nathan checks his hair in the mirrors and goes in the cubicle next to him
NATHAN
do you know what some-ones wrote on this wall... "if you wish to purchase some magic mushrooms then get hold of Yoshi at the mushroom kingdom, or alternatively phone Mario at 0800 Luigi"
DANIEL
I'm alright thanks. some people... as thick as Susan Boyle is ugly
NATHAN
it's boiling in here
DANIEL
i might just get naked to cool down
NATHAN
you can't do that, you'll get kicked out
DANIEL
what for, I'm not doing anyone any harm
NATHAN
you could take some-ones eye out
a short time passes
NATHAN
do you wanna play charades
DANIEL
in the toilets
NATHAN
well I'm bored, I'll go first
does the actions for film
DANIEL
film?
NATHAN
yeah
action for two words
DANIEL
two words
NATHAN
yeah
action for second word
DANIEL
second word
NATHAN
blimey, your good
hear some noises coming the cubicle
DANIEL
is it Free Willy
NATHAN
how the hell did you get that
DANIEL
because you always do free willy
NATHAN
thats because its such a classic film
DANIEL
no, its not, its because you think its funny that it says willy
NATHAN
<snigger>
you can hear plopping
NATHAN
o shit
DANIEL
this would be the place
NATHAN
no, I've dropped my phone in the toilet
DANIEL
well just get it out
NATHAN
how will that help
DANIEL
no, the phone!
NATHAN
well, i can't
DANIEL
why
NATHAN
because the toilets full of other stuff, and to be honest... I'm not sure its all mine
DANIEL
man up! this not the time for whining.
NATHAN
that's not all... I've got my banana caught in my zip
camera shows a banana sticking out of Nathans pants
NATHAN
what am I going to do
DANIEL
well, you've made your cake now sleep on it
NATHAN
you know, from a distance, it looks like Adrian Chiles
DANIEL
i can understand that
NATHAN
kind'a looks like Gordon Browns career
DANIEL
is the poo bullying the basin
you can here the water splashing from the toilet
NATHAN
what have i had to eat?
DANIEL
just get your phone
NATHAN
god, this is disgusting
DANIEL
i don't need a commentary
NATHAN
got it
DANIEL
well done shitty hands
a man walks in and enters the third cubicle. Nathan exits his and starts washing his hands and phone.
NATHAN
there's no soap!
DANIEL
hahahaha, you're life is a mess
NATHAN
and the blow dryer doesn't work
DANIEL
i wouldn't like to be you
NATHAN
i wouldn't like to be dating your new bird
DANIEL
she is not my new bird
NATHAN
as much as you don't like her, you've got a chemistry
DANIEL
the closest to chemistry we'll be getting is if i put some sulfuric acid all over her. maybe it'll get rid of some of those giant wrinkles. tell you something else, its a tough call between whats got more grease... my chips or her hair
NATHAN
you haven't even asked her for her name
DANIEL
i think I'll call it "thing"
Nathan
Charlotte toeberry
DANIEL
Charlotte toeberry, she's even got a stupid name
man from toilet
did you say Charlotte toeberry
DANIEL
yeah, why?
MAN FROM TOILET
'cus I'm her brother you little diddums
NATHAN
seems to be catching on
DANIEL
I mean Charlotte snowjerry
MAN FROM TOILET
yeah, i bet you did
Nathan walks into the cubicle again
NATHAN
there isn't even any toilet paper
DANIEL
I've got some
Daniel throws a roll over, but throws it the wrong way and hits the man on the head.
MAN FROM TOILET
that's it
the man burst out of his cubicle and bash's open the door to Nathans cubicle bye mistake. before Nathan can say anything, he is getting beaten up. Daniel leaves his cubicle nonchalantly and wash's his hands. he than uses the hand blower which is now working
DANIEL
you see, it does work... I'll see you in a bit Nathan
NATHAN
here, take my phone, call the police
DANIEL
no, you're alright... like every conscious politician, its full of shit
Nathan and Daniel are on a double date. Nathan has Daniel up with a blind date. Daniel is not happy with his date. they both enter the toilets.
Nathan
so what do you think of her
Daniel
I'm not talking to you
Nathan
that bad... Daniel?...Daniel?
Daniel scowls at Nathan
NATHAN
to be fair, I've only seen her on facebook, she looked alright on it.
DANIEL
clearly you and I have different opinions of what alright is
NATHAN
well, just try and get through the night
DANIEL
have you got a bag
NATHAN
why?
DANIEL
so i can stick it over her square head. she's that ugly she makes me want to physically abuse myself. and this restaurant, what a pile of sh
NATHAN
I've told you to cut down on the swearing
Daniel
well, what am i supposed to say
NATHAN
i dunno, say diddums
DANIEL
well this place is a massive pile of diddums. the food tastes like diddums and the service is diddums. and have you seen the prices, it takes the diddling diddums
NATHAN
now you just sound stupid
DANIEL
its your diddums fault
NATHAN
well i think this place is nice
DANIEL
whatever, I'm having a diddums
NATHAN
no, you can't do that in a public place. not to mention the way you've been going you'll be blind before Christmas
Daniel
I'm having a poo you diddum head
NATHAN
will you calm down
DANIEL
(sarcastic) can we swap dates
NATHAN
I'm not being stuck with chewbacca
Daniel goes in the cubicle. Nathan checks his hair in the mirrors and goes in the cubicle next to him
NATHAN
do you know what some-ones wrote on this wall... "if you wish to purchase some magic mushrooms then get hold of Yoshi at the mushroom kingdom, or alternatively phone Mario at 0800 Luigi"
DANIEL
I'm alright thanks. some people... as thick as Susan Boyle is ugly
NATHAN
it's boiling in here
DANIEL
i might just get naked to cool down
NATHAN
you can't do that, you'll get kicked out
DANIEL
what for, I'm not doing anyone any harm
NATHAN
you could take some-ones eye out
a short time passes
NATHAN
do you wanna play charades
DANIEL
in the toilets
NATHAN
well I'm bored, I'll go first
does the actions for film
DANIEL
film?
NATHAN
yeah
action for two words
DANIEL
two words
NATHAN
yeah
action for second word
DANIEL
second word
NATHAN
blimey, your good
hear some noises coming the cubicle
DANIEL
is it Free Willy
NATHAN
how the hell did you get that
DANIEL
because you always do free willy
NATHAN
thats because its such a classic film
DANIEL
no, its not, its because you think its funny that it says willy
NATHAN
<snigger>
you can hear plopping
NATHAN
o shit
DANIEL
this would be the place
NATHAN
no, I've dropped my phone in the toilet
DANIEL
well just get it out
NATHAN
how will that help
DANIEL
no, the phone!
NATHAN
well, i can't
DANIEL
why
NATHAN
because the toilets full of other stuff, and to be honest... I'm not sure its all mine
DANIEL
man up! this not the time for whining.
NATHAN
that's not all... I've got my banana caught in my zip
camera shows a banana sticking out of Nathans pants
NATHAN
what am I going to do
DANIEL
well, you've made your cake now sleep on it
NATHAN
you know, from a distance, it looks like Adrian Chiles
DANIEL
i can understand that
NATHAN
kind'a looks like Gordon Browns career
DANIEL
is the poo bullying the basin
you can here the water splashing from the toilet
NATHAN
what have i had to eat?
DANIEL
just get your phone
NATHAN
god, this is disgusting
DANIEL
i don't need a commentary
NATHAN
got it
DANIEL
well done shitty hands
a man walks in and enters the third cubicle. Nathan exits his and starts washing his hands and phone.
NATHAN
there's no soap!
DANIEL
hahahaha, you're life is a mess
NATHAN
and the blow dryer doesn't work
DANIEL
i wouldn't like to be you
NATHAN
i wouldn't like to be dating your new bird
DANIEL
she is not my new bird
NATHAN
as much as you don't like her, you've got a chemistry
DANIEL
the closest to chemistry we'll be getting is if i put some sulfuric acid all over her. maybe it'll get rid of some of those giant wrinkles. tell you something else, its a tough call between whats got more grease... my chips or her hair
NATHAN
you haven't even asked her for her name
DANIEL
i think I'll call it "thing"
Nathan
Charlotte toeberry
DANIEL
Charlotte toeberry, she's even got a stupid name
man from toilet
did you say Charlotte toeberry
DANIEL
yeah, why?
MAN FROM TOILET
'cus I'm her brother you little diddums
NATHAN
seems to be catching on
DANIEL
I mean Charlotte snowjerry
MAN FROM TOILET
yeah, i bet you did
Nathan walks into the cubicle again
NATHAN
there isn't even any toilet paper
DANIEL
I've got some
Daniel throws a roll over, but throws it the wrong way and hits the man on the head.
MAN FROM TOILET
that's it
the man burst out of his cubicle and bash's open the door to Nathans cubicle bye mistake. before Nathan can say anything, he is getting beaten up. Daniel leaves his cubicle nonchalantly and wash's his hands. he than uses the hand blower which is now working
DANIEL
you see, it does work... I'll see you in a bit Nathan
NATHAN
here, take my phone, call the police
DANIEL
no, you're alright... like every conscious politician, its full of shit
Sundays Song
Yes its that time again. Seeing as how i'm sat in my dinky little room staring out into a rainy salford, I figure this sundays song should be something upbeat. so after much thought and consideration I am stuck between two songs. because I can't make a decision you can have both. My blog my rules ;)
PSN outage
As somebody who owns a Playstation, the playstaion hack made for some very interesting news. With the network as far as I know still out it can only be a matter of time before normal service is resumed. The link posted HERE will take you to a video where an industry expert discusses the effects of the Playstaion hack and network outage on Sony and its consumers.
I can make you funny
The first thing you’re going to need is a face. Any old face will do. Now that you have a face, I need you to pull it. Go on, really hard. Pull the most amazing face you have ever pulled. Now that that’s done, you need material. Look outside of the window and write down anything and everything. Do the same again but write the complete opposite. Now you’re ready.Find a group of people and introduce yourself. “Hi, my name is (insert name)” then pull your funny face and read everything which you have written on your lists, alternating between them until you no longer have any listings to read from. Retain your funny face throughout for maximum effect.
Now that you have mastered the art of doing what you’re told we can start proper. The first actual thing you’ll need is some intelligence. Don’t worry if you can’t find any, you might have other skills such as walking upright and dribbling down your face. Taking your intelligence you need to think of some situation which would normally be embarrassing and write about it in as much detail as possible. This can be made up or based on real events. Take your story and read it back. Make it as short as you can without losing any of the detail (tough I know). In order to prophet from maximum embarrassment, you’re going to need a back story. This is the story you will introduce yourself with. You need to get people to feel sorry for you whilst also making them want the best for you. Stories of failed relationships can often work well here so long as you portray the ex as the enemy.
All that’s left is being able to present your set (professional term for sketch/routine). Considering the character you have built up from the previous stories you will need to be dressed appropriately and props should be limited. Try to pull the odd face to convey feelings in an extreme manner. Speak as though you are there when you perform your set. Don’t be afraid to ad lib and try to take the audience with you on your story by occasionally asking rhetorical questions… or just actually ask a question to a member of the audience.If you practice all these things you will become a very funny person.
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